(this is the pic luke likes)..yeah..at least u get to see a b4 pic of me b4 i cut my hair.

wow..i feel loved by my aunt, my fav aunt, lanny and daddy. After their calls..i feel so much better. Dad was so worried tht he suggest to take the 2pm flight over to see me. He says i sound sick. As for lanny and aunty, they are both baking up a plan. (No kiss and tell now). As for my fav aunt..her words are always comforting :)

i cannot believe i broke almost all my nails while doing house chores. Now I’m faced with horrible, chipped up nails which hurts T.T.

I have a surprise waiting for u guys (especially my close friends)with side effects of fear of course..And no I'M NOT PREGNANT!! i cannot believe my dad read on that post (thanks to lanny, zhen, jenkins, myint, melvin) who went with the flow of me being pregnant. No-wonder dad kept saying things like 'if u've got a prob, don’t hide it, tell me' @.@

Be strong SHEILA!! I’ll have to remind myself to hold on and be strong..i can go thru with the review at 11am today. i can and i will.

I hope i wont break apart. Janice ask to bring a brown paper back in case of hyperventilation.

I dreamt of home. I miss it so much. I really wanna go bk. maybe for a week. But the after consequences i have to face, is terrifying me and is stoping me from making a move. *SIGH..how i wish i could sleep in jt to have tht picture of home and family in my head a little longer. Dreaming on the comfort of being surrounded by loved ones is eating a hole in my heart.

And him. I dreamt of him again. And he’s hurtful words (although it’s not hurtful from he’s point of view, but I did feel a pang of pain when he said it). What i needed was comfort me at this breakable point. Instead, he chose to stay away and yet say those things to me.

Jason says he misses he's 'Little silly Sheila' like who doesnt? My friend says he misses my smile and the twinkle in my eyes when i'm happy. I miss it too. I wake up every morning wishing that what i'm facing is just a bad dream. I look forward to my nightly sleep. thats when my exhausted mind let lose and i dream of things that without waking up would seems so real. i could not taste the fear, disappointment and anger but only happy moments in life.

Was very depressed yesterday. i guess its after the lunch party at Jsin's house.

met up with vincent for dinner, had hot chocolate at he's house. talked till 2am. i was completely wired at tht time.

advices was given on my personal, miserable life. but i'm glad i had someone to talked to.

went to morning mass today. Half way thru, i had one of my minor episodes of panic attack. deep breathing and fresh air calm my nerves. but then it happened again after lunch. one leads to another, and thats when i felt the pain..(yes, the one i had in 2010, the one were i promised the girls, ah nut and a few tht i will get it checked but am too lazy to). i havent had tht pain for a month or two. and now its back. *freaking heck! what such nonsence and bad timing.

zhen advice me to get valium for the anxiety attacks..i might get something for the depression as well...and as for the pain..i got my trusty 42 packs of asprin. and one strip of panadol to keep me at edge. (yes,i know. i dont like taking pain killers, but with so much going on, i dont freakingly care)

went to have my bangs cut. sent a b4 and after pic to luke. he thinks i look pretty with long bangs...but then again cute with short bangs. =.= (need luke to sent me the pics..cause i aint got em, deleted once sent..haha)

had korean dinner with denise and yy at seoul rest. it was awesome..forgotten to take pics. fun times catching up till 11.30pm

aparently. denise's most hot topic of the night was about sex. we couldnt stop laughing when i told them about the news article i read years back on this dude that dint know how to do it and has been doing it the wrong way.

denise came up with the idea of having a chart drawn out on the honeymoon. OMFG. i cannot imagine education on the night of the wedding. we all cracked up silly.

and talked about music parody. Go check out Key of Awesome's parody on youtube. i bet u'll be laughing like i did. of course u'll need to watch the original version of it b4 hand.

fun night :)

Happy new year!. So much have happened since yesterday. yes. thank goodness to a nice start of 2012.

had steam boat dinner at my house with a bunch of friends. watched movie, talked, laugh, played cards and sparkles...with Jsin popping a bottle of champagne. and watching fire works which my neighbours put.

the rest of the night was blur but its a great start to year 2012. got tucked in and slept till 6am.

went to mass today, lunch and went to ikea to get my cloths rack (so goddamm happy with my purchase). after tht went bk home, watched movie with my friend. and fell asleep till 9pm. went to he's place to have dinner.


12.30am, 1st jan 2012 joke

Dianne: eh, who wants to finish the last few pieces of agar agar . (cause regina made agar agar for my NYeves dinner)

Johnny: eui, thats from last year.

Most of us: -.-"

-------------------------

Me: eh, u know him right? neh..tht one from blah blah blah.

Lin: o, u mean the one with two eyes, one nose and mouth right? of course i know him.

Me: completely speechless.

First of all i think i must be crazy. i cannot believe he was in my dreams again. This is like 3rd or maybe 4th time in 2 weeks. this time, he was at my house, all sharp wearing this green polo shirt with hair swept to the sides (looking so much like a failed Elvis impersonator) and was waving me to sit by he's sides with one of the 'House' series playing on Tv. i was stunned, asking him what the heck is he doing at my house. *poof* and thts when i woke up by the sound of the rubbish truck.

2nd of all. i realise my cousin is going to Perth this cny. i CANNOT wait to see him. haha. i wasn’t planning to spend CNY at Perth but now i have a reason to. (yup, i plan to actually spend it at Adelaide, as i find no point to celebrate as lanny wont be here anyways. life is dull without my brother)

3rd of all. I’m slowly dying of hunger. haha..it has been almost a month since I’ve shopped for groceries. i SHALL cook a proper meal tonight.

lastly, MERRY XMAS and HAVE AN AWESOME NEW YEAR peps.

Christmas dinner was fun. I realise tht i knew one of colin's friend as i've met her while on placement as she was the intern there. *slaps* head, like why dint i notice it was her when colin introduce us?

damm Jon sin for being such a sneaky cheek. I was he's secret santa. and then he was mine. i told him tht i was he's. but tht cheek wait till the last moment to tell me...i was so blur thinking what the heck is he doing standing next to me when my secret santa was being call. everyone was like "ooooh"...haha..

ok. now what i have to do is stay away from him. like far. stand maybe 10 feet away from him. and try not to think about him. and and. erm. think about food, bed, books, my Mr sexy eyes *pinning both fingers on forehead with a crunching face*. maybe in time i'll forget about him. i need to. cause i might fall into the stage of pure jealousy.

this time ard, i dont mind weird fellows approaching me. c'mon, like why at times like these, i dont get ppl like tht when i need them for distraction. (its always the unexpected times yea?. and no i aint gonna call or text Mr TAXI DRIVER)

last night i got tricked into going to the 11pm mass. who says it starts at 11pm har? i asked the dictator of why i should be there at 11pm..he said to accompany he's sorry ass. haha.

anyhoos, luke was on he's way bk home. taking a two hour flight. we agreed to kiss someone on the cheek under the mistletoe today. too bad, the party i'm going to tonight aint got no mistletoe...haha..i have to find an alternative way. my Mr angry black bird looks so delicious. i might have a taste of he's cheeks later on.

ok, bk to last night. i stayed at jo's place till 5am. i really wanted to die..so freakingly tired. while walking bk to my car, i saw an insect tht bounds to make me scream. i jumped and stomped my feet while looking at tht gross creation. and was fully awake at tht time thanks to tht stupid bug.

saw simon, we acted like best buddies..he gv me a hug. *awww..if he wasnt tht gay, i would have give him a peck as well.

my life is pathetic. i end up being asked out on a date by my taxi driver. He's a 29 yo accountant, couldnt get a job working two jobs at ade.

i end up, being mistaken by someone else and he grabbed my arms and lead me out of the crowds, and with me not knowing that i was being lead away from my friends by someone else (as i was so hooked up on texting)

i end up, having my hair smelled by some dude at Harbour town and he whispered some lines which i was unable to undertsand as i was too hooked up looking at the map.

i end up being taken away to a ball by the malaysian gang and spoiled my friend's night as i was being such a baby, crying away my so called "life".

i almost end up taking up on luke's wait.

i end up driving like mad and having a friend take me home and sleep at my couch.

i end up getting a call from lanny and then cried myself to sleep.

i end up not caring about how much it hurts me and how i scar my body. Because i end up having my heart broken twice in this shitty year of mine.

Been sick. i cannot believe it. broke my own record. 5 cases of food poisoning in just 2 months and a half.

I donno if its the indian dishes that got me rushing to the vomiting bucket in wee hours. but yeah..i almost blacked out. cause i sorta lost my vision for a few secs.

and to add salt to my miserable life, i was struck with sore T again. like hell.

been watching dramas-unsuccessfully. why? yeah. cause some of them sucks bad. i cannot go on watching. like the

Prince and Princess 2 (gosh. i was on the 2nd episode and thats when i had enuf of this movie, this was my 2nd attempt to watch this, i tried watching this drama last few months, and only lasted till the 1st episode)Knock knock loving you (i tried watching this drama like what i did for the first one, and just couldnt go on, the first attempt was last year)

the other day, me, H and Colin went to burnside. the initials is how i address him in real life. haha. yeah.me and H was argueing on if Jimmy ate or eat the world. how H explain was plain hilarious. i really do enjoy he's company, such as funny and lameo guy.

C invited me to this christmas kids and craft. and i was teamed up with H. it was one of the best days in NOV 2011. we had so much fun and laughter. he decorated me like a christmas tree, made me a scrunchy, and a advent calender with very creative ideas. and cause he knows i hate veges, he wrote "eat veges" 5 times on my calender. and i thanked him with a bracelet i made for him.

We were both planning on how to lure the kids to our corner, and H says we would kidnap one child for me, all i have to do is ask. (cause at the begining, i keep ranting on how much i adore kids, and he on the other side hates kids)

the days goes on in a breeze. we met up the at church the next day and thats when all the laughter and fun began all over again.

Road trip last thursday. Went down south to Cape Jervis. Beautiful place where the air is so FRESH. Non stop hanging out-supper/dessert time and wine catch ups all weekend got me bloated every night. I'm so touched by everyone's offer to have me stay at their place during the summer..i donno which house to choose from. the city? the unit with the most adorable blue eyed cat? the 1.6 mil house on the hill? or the country cottage?went to terrance's house where we played dance 2, karaoke and fruit ninja on kinect. si beh tiring and hillarious with the company of moscato. sadly, i'm booked this whole weekend, so i cant follow them to Henley to catch some crabs.

YAY! i'm almost there!!! one and half day till i finish my Clinicals.*huge grin.

the only thing is to wait for my OSCE results which is going to kill me cause i donno if i might fail or pass this goddamm topic. Fingers Crossed to the max hoping that i pass this.

yes, i was busy. handed in my last assignment last thursday. and on saturday, colin took me to (something) mountain. the air was fresh. (sorry, no pictures, as it was 9.30pm) we stole this bubble blower at some couple's wedding and starting blowing bubbles at 10pm by the windmill. hang at he's crib and serve me a cup of red bean dessert. talked to cyril about nursing. (ahh finally someone that understands medical terms).haha. went for supper at 2am. i was so blur that when collin asked me something all i can say is 'what? where? i donno.. and wanders off the street'. haha

lunch and money spending with kath on sat. crepe was nice and got myself a LUSH facemask which kinda sucks. pimple popped up the next day after using the crap i got. well at least i smell like nutella the whole night. which got me soooo hungry.

clinical was same old same old. got home early. some upsetting news got my tearing up. then i dyed my hair (was a very sudden move). had dinner with bro's friend. then desserts at cocobean. end up at he's place where i tried hard learning how to play he's guitar. yes, i suck. he taught me. but then i end up yawning. tired and head bk home.

i realise after next friday. i have absolutely nothing to look forward to. yes. sure. i still have 8 days placements and thats it.

i hv no motivation to do my assignments at all as i think to myself, whats the point? i've been told to trive for something, knowing that when i work hard, i know i can get it. but i ask myself the questions of what am i looking forward to? going bk home? i cant, i'm not even going bk home. going to gold coast with my friends, i'm not very hyped about it even tho, i love my friends, but i just dont feel like travelling ard aussie (as i can do that anytime in the next, well i donno.. 10 years perhaps) aussie can wait. but what annoys me is that i cant go bk home. how many given opportunities am i allow to spend my days at miri for months like i could have.

no i dont count going bk for 1-2 weeks as a holiday.

the thing is my parents dont get it. how are they to know how i felt? u have to be me to ever feel what i felt when i'm here. yes, right now, i've got my girls here. but what about next year and so on? i would have to make new friends again as non of them are staying bk. yes, i make friends easily over the past few years. but its not the same without the girls.

thats when the depression kicks in once again. i became someone whose tired of living, i wake up at 1pm and have lost my appetite(which was a bonus, as i needed to lose weight, and i know i know..its not healthy, but hey, when ure depressed, do u think healthy?) actually i did cook, but when i finished cooking, i couldnt eat, so in the end, after 3 spoonfulls of food, i chuck everything into the bin (knowing i would nvr have them anyways, cause i seldom have leftovers, not that i dont like them, but then like i said, i lose interest in eating)

last dec-feb, was the most crucial period of my life, u asked why dint i get a job? well i cant, i had to travel btw ade-perth for christmas and new year. where at perth, i felt worse. it was the worse days i had to live with. i became so depressed that i took only one palm size of meal each day (which of course, like i mentioned before, was a bonus point, but sadly, i couldnt lose that much) i find going on trips troublesome as well, i mob ard the heated house of 30 degrees. well summer at perth was predictable (cause, rmber i spend one month at perth when i was in form 3? from 4?, yeah, i wrote that in this blog as well)

i was so bored that i find flies on the wall, i find vacuming dead flies on carpets, i find filling up brita bottles, arranging my stack of cookies amusing.

yeap. just as i expected. windy did not finished her assignment on time. and yes. i was so pissed off i started raising my voice on her. yes. i wanna break that women in half and throw her into the bin like a unless crap. at last after my very angry moment with her, she finally decided to start the assignment *sighs and at the same time am relief i talked some sense into that thick brain of hers* i even got her writing the introduction without having maggie to do it. yes. we did so much for this bytch. like me changing my shift to morning today. i could have been with Mr. Kim (a korean nurse who i find amusing)

anyhoos..my shift was A-some today. met a grannie who was so nice to me. well she say i'm the best as i got her toast and made her one of the best coffees ever. she then kissed my cheeks and hugged me, and introduced her si beh hot grandson to me. damm he was a skaterboy. but when she asked me to stand next to her grandson, he was so tall. (><)

o well. back to Mr Kim. he's like maybe 25yo. male korean nurse. who wouldnt stop laughing when he sees me (which everytime he laughs, i find it amusing..a very nice rich laugh).and the way he says my name its very unique in a nice way. and yeah like i said, every single time he see me he would first smile and then laugh. i donno why. but i'll have to ask him why he does that.

found this amusing.

yes. the bytch word is so gonna be on me tomorrow. that why i hate group work. i rush my team mates into completing their work in time, and yet, windy is still on the evidence assignment, and maggie, i practically deleted most of her work as it was a bit over the edge. and have to do double work of writing maggie's part of the assignment as well. ARG!!!!! and yet, windy who was SUPPOSE to write up the introduction did not even do it before the break. shes such a screw up. now she pushed she task to maggie. and knowing maggie, i'll have to write up her part as well...what a complete nonsence i have here.

damm angry.

he's sweet as sugar coated candy.

little mickey (rmber him)..yeah. he really does make my day with he's sweet words. makes me miss him more.

been down since yesterday. caring for dying patients really am gonna dry me out. i couldnt stop crying last night. cause my patient was miserable on my last shift..she doesnt talk much and would just space out. she looks so lifeless. in the end, i felt miserable as well as i donno what to say to cheer her up.

anyhoos..debbie, the nurse, ask me to suck it up and deal with it. cause i'm gonna face more of it as i get thru this nursing course.

i got bk home, pick it on my bro who was smoking at tht time. asking why he smokes he's life away, while someone dying on the hospital bed is trying hard to fight for their dear life is dying no matter what treatment we gave them. like was marine say 'everyday should be a celebration as you realise u get to see your love ones for another day'.

she says most ppl would only say words like that once they have faced a near death experience. very strong woman she is. i do look up to maine.

anyhoos...had dinner at eastern again. with reuben and then we had drinks at bracegirdles. fatterning.

"So many fakers wanna be like me" lines by Zhen.

er right. sure, why not say u are trying to be like them instead?

cause this morning, i saw this guy bk facing me, with the exact same hair style (dyed, with those i just woke up tousled hairstyle), same time of posture (slough), with the muscles and all (cause he was wearing lose fitting, i couldn’t see if theres any abs, but the muscles on he's arms was lean), same way as how zhen walks (like those, theres so much time, lets walk slower) and those bag (slings with very Burberry/Polo style).

i just couldnt stop staring, almost wanted to walk the other way, cause at 10am in the morning, i look like shit. thank god, when he turned ard (prob sensing that someone is trying to burn a hole on he's shirt with her stare), well i can say he aint pretty boy looking compare to zhen, but maybe he's sense of humour and love for himself aint as thick as zhen.

o well..moving on. been feeling exhausted lately, mentally and emotional.

lets talk about mentally, had Clinical case conference on wed, 3 days of sleepless nights and waking up at 5am for 7am's work placement got me looking like death.

well at least one of my patients dint think so, he tot i look pretty when i told him i look like a zombie. well he must really like asian who looks lifeless. he tot i was Korean.

emotionally drained is that SOMEONE. lets just call him noname (Nn). this dude, he's been spreading he's so call love all ard on texts. and yet, he is trying to push me away to some other dude. He’s jealousy is sidetracked. how u say u like someone, and when that someone, aka me, hangs with a friend (like seriously lar, how many times should i say the sentence "HE IS JUST A FRIEND!!!!!" would the message get thru) and he got kinda annoying with the questions at first, and ask me if i enjoy my hang out session. and got a lit pissy when i said, yes (why wont i, so should all my outings with my guy friends turns sour and meaningless, like us being mutual friend with no jokes ard, of course i would laugh and have fun right?) and what annoys me is that he compares himself with my guy friends. if he's like right next to me, i would wrung he's neck out. damm mad u know. he knows he's the first person on my mind. and yet, he makes things so awkward.

fine dinning at 7pm and desserts a 9pm. last night was superb.

the guys and girls was trying hard to guess who my momo ren is. not really my momo ren lar..but then they say they saw twinkles in my eyes when i saw he's message.

it was funny, cause they tried to trick me endlessly to spill the beans. i did give clues. which i think the last one gave way. cause when i went to collin's place after dessert, the guys and girls, went to my webpage and did a massive search and found him. =.="

it took 5 ppl and hour and half to track him down.

what i'm afriad is that they would do smthng silly as i donno why Mr john doe message me this morning seeking for an explanation of our so call 'friendship'. i aint going to put ideas in he's head and make him think further, but what has changed is that he started calling me dearest. and yes a bold APUUUUUU for tht.

Si beh Pek CHEK ah.

Faulty problems on the stupid assignment webside which i've tried countless time to save my assignment wont even do, and therefore, the status was tht I failed to summit my assignment and email attachment is not accepted. Genieve (THE VERY LA SAP POH) decides to not grade my paper.

Meaning, i might fail this whole Subject. Not only my paper but ard 20 student's paper. it wasnt our fault.the stupid connection was like sai. the assignment webside was kns as well.

Now knowing tht i might not graduate this year, i si beh pek chek. till like when the girls ask me what i wanna do for my birthday i say i reply, stay at home and pig on ice cream to cure this very pek chek mood of mine.

Plus, my sickness which i got from gary ( i donno how i got it off him, i dint even kiss tht frog ) is getting worse, like i might cough out a lung anytime now.

Plus hor, without PR, i cant even get a GNP for next year..GNP eh. what am i suppose to do next year? lay eggs? Futher my studies you say? mai dream lar. ard 1500 nurses with double degree cant even get a job here. whats more to say?

yy's birthday at the units :) it was fun, but we hardly talked to yy. cause she had her coursemates and hallies as well..so in the end, there were 2 groups. i made kimchee pancake for the potluck dinner. :D

denise say if i cut my hair shorter, she will kick me silly. damm even cutting my hair has a limit restriction. apuuuuhad dinner with ara,yy,aino,gary, lanny and denise. went to ngong nguan yen, vietnames rest. food sucks but company was awesome. went back to my place and placed blackjack, texas poker, bullshit and lastly ACE to KING! aino got the last king but then she couldnt drink alcohol..lanny had to drink the whole thing. had cupcakes and doritos for snacks..everyone made me drink so much..><..walao eh...i think i always kena sabo chin chin.

went to jin's patisserie yesterday with the gang minus denise.

my watermelon juice and chocolate crepes. it was yummilicious and costly too...

in the end, we spend more than 2 hours chit chatting. they wanted to go sing sing AGAIN for my birthday. NO way man. i dont wanna have my dinner at sing sing AGAIN. in the end, they .wanted another potluck -.-" and it would be at my house to celebrate my birthday. i donno if i should call my coursemates as well.. :/ cause for both denise, alex and yy's birthday everyone seems to group up and then the birthday boy and girls end up catching up btw two groups. o well i still have time to decide.