i realise after next friday. i have absolutely nothing to look forward to. yes. sure. i still have 8 days placements and thats it.

i hv no motivation to do my assignments at all as i think to myself, whats the point? i've been told to trive for something, knowing that when i work hard, i know i can get it. but i ask myself the questions of what am i looking forward to? going bk home? i cant, i'm not even going bk home. going to gold coast with my friends, i'm not very hyped about it even tho, i love my friends, but i just dont feel like travelling ard aussie (as i can do that anytime in the next, well i donno.. 10 years perhaps) aussie can wait. but what annoys me is that i cant go bk home. how many given opportunities am i allow to spend my days at miri for months like i could have.

no i dont count going bk for 1-2 weeks as a holiday.

the thing is my parents dont get it. how are they to know how i felt? u have to be me to ever feel what i felt when i'm here. yes, right now, i've got my girls here. but what about next year and so on? i would have to make new friends again as non of them are staying bk. yes, i make friends easily over the past few years. but its not the same without the girls.

thats when the depression kicks in once again. i became someone whose tired of living, i wake up at 1pm and have lost my appetite(which was a bonus, as i needed to lose weight, and i know i know..its not healthy, but hey, when ure depressed, do u think healthy?) actually i did cook, but when i finished cooking, i couldnt eat, so in the end, after 3 spoonfulls of food, i chuck everything into the bin (knowing i would nvr have them anyways, cause i seldom have leftovers, not that i dont like them, but then like i said, i lose interest in eating)

last dec-feb, was the most crucial period of my life, u asked why dint i get a job? well i cant, i had to travel btw ade-perth for christmas and new year. where at perth, i felt worse. it was the worse days i had to live with. i became so depressed that i took only one palm size of meal each day (which of course, like i mentioned before, was a bonus point, but sadly, i couldnt lose that much) i find going on trips troublesome as well, i mob ard the heated house of 30 degrees. well summer at perth was predictable (cause, rmber i spend one month at perth when i was in form 3? from 4?, yeah, i wrote that in this blog as well)

i was so bored that i find flies on the wall, i find vacuming dead flies on carpets, i find filling up brita bottles, arranging my stack of cookies amusing.